Etsuko J Why making space for yourself matters, even when everyone else needs something from you.
There’s something special about being in a room with people who understand parts of your life without needing a long explanation.
I was reminded of that recently at the DSDN (Down syndrome Diagnosis Network) Retreat. There was connection, laughter, conversation, rest, and plenty of moments that reminded me how important it is to step away from the usual pace of life.
And then there was yoga.
At the end of our session, our yoga instructor shared a few affirmations for us to sit with. One of them stopped me in my tracks:
“You are allowed to have joy that only belongs to you.”
Whew.
Because how often do we choose things we enjoy—but somehow still find a way to make them about someone else?
Maybe I go to the gym because I want to stay healthy for my family.
Maybe I enjoy a hobby, but mostly when I can squeeze it into the little pockets of time nobody else needs from me.
Maybe I read while I’m waiting between appointments or sitting somewhere with time to kill, but rarely give myself permission to sit on the couch at home and read simply because I want to.
Even things that once brought me pure joy can quietly become productive.
Crafting used to be one of those things for me. I loved making things just because I wanted to make them. But once I turned crafting into a business, it became work. Suddenly, I wasn’t creating because I felt like it. I was creating because there was an order, a deadline, a product to make.
And apparently, the only time I still remember how to craft just for fun is around Christmas.
But that affirmation made me realize something:
Joy doesn’t always need a purpose.
It doesn’t have to make me healthier.
It doesn’t have to make me a better mom, wife, therapist, coach, employee, or business owner.
It doesn’t have to benefit anyone else.
And it doesn’t have to be squeezed into whatever time is left over.
Sometimes, I can do something simply because I enjoy it.
What Does Joy Look Like When It’s Just for You?
I think many of us become so accustomed to taking care of responsibilities and showing up for other people that we start measuring our time by how useful it is.
If an activity helps us reach a goal, take care of our family, improve ourselves, or get something done, it feels justified.
But what about the things that don’t accomplish anything?
The things we do because they’re fun. Because they make us curious. Because they help us feel creative, peaceful, playful, or simply more like ourselves.
We don’t always need to turn enjoyment into another goal to accomplish. Sometimes, the enjoyment itself is enough.
And that got me thinking about how I want to make room for joy in my own life.
I decided to give myself a little assignment: between then and my birthday in November, I wanted to reconnect with joy that belongs to me.
Not joy that happens to benefit my family.
Not joy I only allow myself when everything else is handled.
Not joy that I can turn into a business, a goal, or something productive.
Just… joy.
Questions to Help You Reconnect With Your Joy
Maybe you want to explore this for yourself, too.
Take a few minutes to sit with these questions. You don’t have to answer every one of them, and you certainly don’t need to turn your answers into a new to-do list. Just notice what comes up.
- What did I genuinely enjoy before I started worrying about whether it was useful?
- What makes me lose track of time—in a good way?
- What do I enjoy that has nothing to do with taking care of someone else?
- What did I used to do just because I liked it?
- If nobody benefited from this except me, what would I choose?
- What have I been waiting for “the right time” to enjoy?
- What would I do if I didn’t have to be good at it?
- What brings me a sense of play, curiosity, creativity, or peace?
- Where have I turned something joyful into another responsibility?
- What is one small thing I can intentionally make time for this week?
And maybe the most important question:
What if my joy doesn’t need to be earned, explained, or useful?
I’m going to find out.
As I make room for a little more joy, I’m curious to see what I rediscover about myself along the way.
Maybe you can join me.
Find something that brings you joy simply because it belongs to you.
Not because someone needs it.
Not because it checks a box.
Not because it makes you more productive.
Just because you like it. 🤎
With hope for the future,
Etsuko J